When your best friend is dating your ex
It made me wonder: Why do we date our best friend's ex? Is it the right thing to do? I asked around and most people said NO. It is difficult to let go When two people fall in love, they come close to each other and plan a life together. Yet, it is difficult to let completely let go because love is a complicated emotion. Yet, my ex-colleague decided to go ahead. It won't be easy. Your friend will need a lot of sympathy and thoughtful care from your end. We are, after all, human. Letting go of someone, especially if you were in love, can be tough. In such a scenario, there's just one thing you can do: A cousin of mine, who was in a similar scenario, believes he was backstabbed by his best friend.
My cousin and his girlfriend had a fight and his best friend was quick to use the opportunity.
Is Your Friend Dating Your Ex? 3 Ways To Handle Yourself With Grace And Style | HuffPost Life
Two years later, my cousin is still not in a forgiving mood. Is it worth the effort? More often than not, it's not. As my year-old sister-in-law discovered, much to her dismay. She was dating her closest friend's ex-boyfriend despite knowing he had been cheating on her. Take the time to know the ex.
Dating your best friend's ex? BEWARE
Are you hiding something? Is this the only person on the planet whom you can date? Before he knew it, his best friend had punched him in the face! Are you willing to become an outcast? Are you being taken for a ride? The sex, as he had put it, had been a 'spur of the moment' thing completely driven by hormones. Unless you are okay with such one night stands, steer clear of such people. Better than your best friend?
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Naturally, it affected their relationship which ended a few weeks later. Only you can free yourself of negativity and handle such a sensitive relationship. Aditi Bose , Australia.
When you and your friend are both in the "off-limits" camp, it's great -- it simply doesn't happen, because you both agree it's not a good move. However, when you're in different camps, and a friend dates your ex or vice versa , this can lead to big trouble -- anything from awkward social interactions to permanent rifts within groups of friends.
While many would say the ideal solution is to avoid run-ins completely, in many cases it's just not possible, especially when there are overlapping friends, locations, and events. If you find yourself in this situation, you need to be prepared. Of course, there are varying degrees of gravity -- a former fling may be less of a big deal than a serious relationship, and if we're talking about a recent ex-husband or ex-wife and your friend, well, then, we'll go out on a limb and say that perhaps you should reconsider your friendship unless there is an extremely unique circumstance.
If you've found yourself facing this situation as the person whose friend and ex are now dating, here are a few tips on how to handle yourself with style and grace:.
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Have a support system handy: It's nice to ask one or two close friends to help you out. They can keep you posted on what they see and hear about this new relationship, as it's never fun to be the last to know. Keeping your thoughts limited to this tightly knit circle will also prevent you from blabbering your opinion about the new couple to everyone.
Don't overcompensate with fake happiness: You don't have to pretend to like what's happening, so don't overdo it with sappy sweet congrats and good wishes If you get caught in a confrontation, just smile, have a pre-planned friendly sentence or two to recite, keep it short and sweet, and move on. While it didn't magically make everything OK, the strategy of preparing questions and getting them answered made me feel satisfied that it went about as well as possible, and helped my peace of mind about dealing with that particular person in the future. Your story is a little confusing, however the overarching theme is that your ex, and your friends are walking all over you.
My advice to you is to look deep inside, realize that you're worth more than this, and move on with your life. Here are some hard facts:.
Anyone willing to hook up with your friend behind your back is not worth the time of day. She's a cheater, and always will be. Purge every trace of her from your life. Any so called friend who would hook up with your girlfriend behind your back is a back-stabbing fiend, and not worth having around.
You seem to be in a fragile state of mind, but those things cannot be ignored. If you think you can simply rejoin the circle of "friends", and act like nothing's happened, then you think less of yourself than even they do. I urge you to find new friends.
Get out there, join a club, start up a new hobby! Find a reason to gain value in your own self before seeking the approval of strangers.
Is Your Friend Dating Your Ex? 3 Ways To Handle Yourself With Grace And Style
Learn a new language and travel. Start painting, hiking, wall climbing, whatever captures your imagination. But stop fixating on these leeches you seem to think are your friends. You're young, and it seems like without these people in your life you may be left alone, but give yourself some time to gain perspective. Trust in your own worth, and abilities. Focus on having this episode in your life become the moment you changed for the better, not on how you might ingratiate yourself with a bunch of back-stabbing a-holes who care nothing for you. This is a situation I've found myself on all sides of over the years.
The times I found myself in your position, there was usually the instinct to think and sometimes say:. It hurts to feel rejected by a partner, it hurts more when your friend " betrays " you and starts seeing your ex. I know how that feels and I know it sucks. Even if your friend had come to you first and told you about their intentions, it still hurts. It's easy to say that if they had done things this way, or that way, it would hurt less, but in my experience it doesn't.
Having been in the others roles of this situation, I can tell you that they didn't do that to you. They most likely got together the way most couples do, and that didn't really have anything to do with you. They're not dating to hurt you, they're dating because they like each other. My issue is that given our history, I have no idea what my appropriate attitude should be towards them and how to interact with them when it comes to it.
What would be a mature way to handle it, without me looking like a beaten dog? I know that's hard to hear right now, I hated hearing it too, and I hated saying it more. Realistically it's all you can do if you want to have any sort of peaceful relationship with these people. Also, being happy for them and moving on shows that you're not a "beaten dog" It shows that you're strong enough to not let this stuff get to you. It takes a lot of strength to carry on after a hard breakup, and it's better try to do it gracefully.
Being happy for them shows that you're confident, and ok with your self as much as it says that you're ok with them. One of the key ingredients in any healthy relationship be it business, friendship, or romance, is Trust. When your friend violated the ideal that you listed he destroyed your trust in him. This is extremely damaging to a relationship.
If these two had been honest and had wanted to not betray you they would have A told you they were going to date each other. B she would have broken up with you before sleeping with someone else. I have to applaud your forgiving attitude towards your girlfriends initially. It takes a lot of effort and courage to forgive betrayals like you suffered.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. Don't hang out with either of them. If they show up at a party, just say hi and go find someone else to talk too. Don't invite them to anything you plan. If any one asks why you are treating them this way tell them something along the lines of, "They betrayed my trust. I will be polite to them, But I have no desire to be around them. Try this on for size. You are presuming that Mike owed you some sort of interaction about this, and you are disappointed you didn't get it.
Ok, now you also call yourself an introvert.
Wait - Is It Ever Acceptable To Date Your Friend's Ex?
If the shoe were on the other foot, and you were dating Mike's ex, would it have occurred to you that you owed Mike a conversation? Ok, if it did Would you feel eager to have that conversation?
Maybe Mike or Jane is going through that. If there's tension in the room, it maybe ain't just yours. Or for that matter, they could have tension you do not. Some of the tension might be imagined worry over what the other might think. You can look to the past and count all the ways your feelings hurt.